Things Customers Say All The Time

"I'm sorry, I forgot to bring my bags!"
- My pat response: "It's okay, we have plenty!"
- What I really think: "Don't apologize to me, I really don't give a crap."

"I only came in for one thing, and I ended up getting all of this!"
- My pat response: "Doesn't that always seem to happen?"
- What I really think: "B.S. You just don't want to seem like an oinker."

"My son/daughter wants to help you by handing you things in the cart!"
- My pat response: " What a good helper! Want some stickers?"
- What I really think: "Maybe these stickers will distract them and they'll get out of my way so I can work."

 "I thought it would be much busier than this!"
- My pat response: "It was about ten minutes ago, you came in at the right time!"
- What I really think: "You should have seen it when each aisle was filled with a solid mass of human flesh."

"Do you work here?"
- My pat response: "Yes, what can I help you with?"
- What I really think: "No, I just wear this uniform as a fashion statement and go into random stores to stock their shelves for fun. YES, YOU IMBECILE, I WORK HERE."

"Oh, I don't want my receipt."
- My pat answer: "Okay, I'll just toss it then."
- What I really think: "I don't want it either! Quit leaving me with your trash!"

*whew* I feel better. Thanks for listening, Internet, to the disgruntled ramblings of yet another cog in the service industry.