Thursday, August 1, 2013

Ten Reasons Why Being An Adult Is Way Better Than Being a Kid

1. You can go to sleep whenever you damn well want. You can go to sleep at 4 AM if you want to.
2. You get to hang out with whoever you want. You don't have to hang out with someone's lame-ass kid just because your parents and their parents are friends.
3. You get alcohol.
4. You don't have to ask anyone's permission whenever you want to go somewhere. You just go.
5. No one is making you practice your penmanship. Your handwriting can be as shitty as you want it to be.
6. You won't be socially ostracized by your peers for wearing the wrong brand of shoes.
7. You get to own a car, and drive it anywhere you want. (Please don't combine with #3.)
8. Two words: Gym class.
9. You have way more tools and techniques for dealing with the disappointments that life slings at you. They're still there; you're just so much better equipped to handle them.
10. When you're a kid, you have no control over anything that happens to you. Every single event and decision in your life is the result of someone else's judgment. When you're an adult, you call the shots. Everything that happens to you is of your own choosing. Your life may suck because you made shitty decisions, but you can still own the fuck out of those decisions. (Besides, you had fun making them, didn't you?)

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

10 Recurring Dreams I Have Had

1. One of my teeth (usually a molar) is loose, wiggling, and ready to break loose and fall out. Sometimes it does, and all this rocky, pebbly, crumbly white shit keeps coming and coming out of my mouth.

2. I'm leaving on a trip to somewhere fabulous (usually London or NYC) and I need to finish packing and get to the airport. I keep finding more and more things that I need to pack, and I'm going to miss my flight.

3. My parents have decided to move us all back into the house in Nebraska where we grew up. I'm wondering how to explain this to my job and/or boyfriend.

3a. I am moving OUT of the house where we grew up. I need to pack all of my things so we can leave, but I keep finding more and more. And then I can't decide what I'm going to take, what I'm going to leave behind, and what I'm going to throw away.

4. I'm taking a studio art class in college again. I forgot that our projects are due today, and I don't have a single thing to show to the class. I'm wondering if I should just skip class. (This is not far from what was my reality in college.)

5. I'm doing my senior year of high school over again in Nebraska, because graduating only counts if you attend the same high school all four years. I have no idea what my class schedule is, or where any of my classes are. I'm vaguely wondering in the back of my head why they're even bothering, since I already have a college degree.

6. Same as #5, except in middle school. Sometimes I just leave through the front door of the school building while school is in session, and run or fly up the steep hills of the neighborhood surrounding Elkhorn Middle School before anyone can catch me. (I fly in my dreams a lot.)

7. My entire family hates me, and is withholding crucial information from me. I have no idea what I did to make them angry, and any attempts to inquire or make amends result in me coming off as whiny and pathetic, making them hate me even more.

8. I'm taking care of a baby or kitten or puppy, and it keeps getting smaller and smaller until it can fit in the palm of my hand. Then it dies or becomes comatose.

9. I'm breaking in and sneaking through a stranger's house while they're home. I don't want to steal anything or creep on them - I just want to look at all their things and see how they live.

10. I'm driving a car down the freeway, but at the same time I'm taking a nap in the backseat. Every now and then I check to make sure the car is staying on course. It seems okay, but I feel like I should do something before I get arrested or get in an accident.

10a. I'm driving down a freeway, and there is a part of the drive that is very difficult. The road follows a very high hill and becomes lethally steep, like a roller coaster. If you're driving up, you start falling backwards in your car; if you're driving down, you have to pay very tight attention or your car will career out of control.

10b. I'm going down a busy freeway at a high speed, but instead of driving I'm running or riding a bike alongside the other cars. I have a lot of driving dreams.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Your Daily Chunkspiration

1. I overheard a coworker saying that she can't drink too much because she only weighs 108 pounds, and therefore gets drunk too easily.

2. My first thought was, "She weighs at least 20 pounds less than me, and she's my height. I have a hard time feeling bad for her, and an easier time feeling bad for myself."

3. Then I thought, "But wait a minute - if she's my height and frame, but weighs at least 20 pounds less than me, then I could probably take her down in a fight. Easily."

4. "I want to fight her and take her down."

5. "Also, my higher density of body composition means I could also outdrink her."

6. "I want to get her drunk and then fight her."

7. It made me think of those obnoxious "thinspiration" boards on Pinterest - you know, the ones that show you pictures of skinny girls with sayings superimposed over them, sayings like:

- Would you rather have a doughnut, or flat abs?
- Would you rather have cake, or a gap between your thighs?
- Would you rather have BBQ ribs, or exposed ribs?

7a. I agree with the boards that show a girl in sweatpants shoving thirty Ho-Hos into her mouth while giving two middle fingers.

8. I also hate those condescending fitness magazines that have headlines like, "Kate Beckinsale has this rockin' body, and she hates working out!" (Implied tagline: "What's your excuse, you fat sack of shit?")

9. Would you rather let magazines and Pinterest bully you into thinking you're a fat sack of shit, or eat cake because cake is delicious?

10. Would you rather invest a lot of time into looking better than everyone else, or spend that time actually doing something?

11. Would you rather be the skinniest girl in the room, or the most badass?

12. (I know they don't have to be mutually exclusive. Just imagine that you have to pick only one.)

13. These are my thoughts. Please feel free to share your own.

14. Cake is delicious.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Oh, I made myself sad.

So as you may have deduced, I've been looking at apartment listings online, which makes me depressed because I can't afford any of them. So then I made the mistake of looking at some online job boards, which is always depressing, because it sends me into a spiral of "I'm-not-qualified-enough-for-any-of-these-what-have-I-been-doing-for-the-past-3-years-my-life-is-going-nowhere" kinds of thoughts.
So in the meantime, I guess I'll keep working on my art projects, and hopefully something someday will stick, and I'll be able to afford a cute downtown industrial loft that I can have all to myself and my three future cats: Kevin, Spartacus, and Captain Slappy.
Like my folks say... just keep chipping away.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Wacky Shenanigans and Youthful Hijinks

Just kidding. I haven't posted much lately, let alone pictures of stuff I created. We all (or most of us, I guess) go through these cycles of feeling really creative and then feeling not creative at all. I was on a non-creative loop for a while, and I decided to just ride it out and not freak out about it like I would have before I started the meds. Because of course, nothing makes you feel more confident about the quality of your work than forcing yourself to do it when you really aren't feeling it.
Now I'm swinging back over to the uber-creative arc of the cycle. Earlier tonight I created some delicious lemon bars. Now I am apparently hell-bent on creating an empty pan of lemon bar crumbs. That's the nice thing about home-baked goods - my breakfast, lunch, and dinner menu for the next two days is already set! If you haven't noticed, this is not a blog about healthy living. That's Emily's job.
In other news, I ordered some new paints and I really, really want them to get here. When I get them I shall squee.