Friday, September 23, 2011

El amarillo del oro

Tonight Sergio and I went to a party at a bar for one of my coworker's going away party. The bartender was an ass, so we left. Then we got something to eat at a Mexican restaurant and stumbled into some Mexican karaoke. I totally would have sung something if I knew any of the songs.
Anyway, I was thinking some more about International Talk Like A Pirate Day and I was wondering, "Why pirates?" There are lots of things you could talk like for a whole day.

- International Talk Like Keanu Reeves Day
- International Talk Like A Dog That Just Mastered Human Speech Day
- International Talk Like You're Drunk Even If You're Not Day
- International Talk Like A WWE Commentator Day
- International Talk Entirely In Pickup Lines And Your Mom Jokes Day

Thursday, September 22, 2011

How To Be A Hollywood Songwriter

1. Rip off a hook from a song that was a hit 20 years ago.
2. Back it up with an electronic drum track.
3. For lyrics, find your 13-year-old daughter's diary and "borrow" one of her poems.
4. Find whatever girl the producer is sleeping with this week; park her in front of a microphone and have her do her "whoa-oh-oh" thing.
5. Autotune the hell out of it.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Today's Frustrations

- I have been on Facebook for six years. During that time they have had at least a dozen massive upheavals of design. Every time it is the same: copious bitching on the first day, everyone shrugs and gets over it on the second day and moving forward. Can we all just make a pact to... not do that anymore because it's annoying and doesn't accomplish anything anyway?
It's not like Mark Zuckerberg is going to say, "Golly, Internet, you're absolutely right! These changes will contribute directly to the downfall of civilization; I'd better get on reversing them right away!" In fact, each time when he bothers to respond he says pretty much the opposite: "I had good reasons for making these changes. Get over it."

- I googled "How To Write A Creative Resume" and the results are frustratingly anemic. They all say some version of "Feel free to be creative, but remember to be professional!" Thank you, Dr. Vaguey McAmbiguity, but I had already kind of figured that out. I'm looking forward to your next article, "How to... you know... do... stuff."

- Okay, Google Chrome, I guess I'll ask you to save my usernames and passwords. You're ignoring all the other settings I selected anyway.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Dressing up for work... IN GRAPH FORM!

Dear Blog,
Today was International Talk Like A Pirate Day (as well as my brother's birthday - which reminds me, Internet, you should go wish him a happy birthday.) As such, we were invited to dress like pirates at work today.
Now, I've worn costumes to work before, and every time the same thing happens. For your convenience, I have interpreted it in graph form.

(click to enlarge)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Thursday, September 1, 2011

My New Book!

So you may have heard that I will be illustrating a new book. Here are the answers to the questions I have been asked.

1. It is entitled "Zack's Zucchiniland Stand." 
2. It is about a little boy who gets into gardening somewhat reluctantly, then develops passion and enthusiasm when his garden spirals out of control and takes on a life of its own.
3. It is to be written and published by Sandy Baker, a Santa Rosa based writer of children's gardening books and founder of Butterfly Books. You can see more about her at .
4. Although Sandy and I share a last name, we are not related as far as we know.
5. Estimated release date: April 2012.

Thanks for all your support! Sandy and I are both thrilled to be working together on this exciting project. I will keep you updated with tantalizing tidbits and sneak previews. Thank you for being the most wonderful internet friends in... the... Internet.