Thursday, August 1, 2013

Ten Reasons Why Being An Adult Is Way Better Than Being a Kid

1. You can go to sleep whenever you damn well want. You can go to sleep at 4 AM if you want to.
2. You get to hang out with whoever you want. You don't have to hang out with someone's lame-ass kid just because your parents and their parents are friends.
3. You get alcohol.
4. You don't have to ask anyone's permission whenever you want to go somewhere. You just go.
5. No one is making you practice your penmanship. Your handwriting can be as shitty as you want it to be.
6. You won't be socially ostracized by your peers for wearing the wrong brand of shoes.
7. You get to own a car, and drive it anywhere you want. (Please don't combine with #3.)
8. Two words: Gym class.
9. You have way more tools and techniques for dealing with the disappointments that life slings at you. They're still there; you're just so much better equipped to handle them.
10. When you're a kid, you have no control over anything that happens to you. Every single event and decision in your life is the result of someone else's judgment. When you're an adult, you call the shots. Everything that happens to you is of your own choosing. Your life may suck because you made shitty decisions, but you can still own the fuck out of those decisions. (Besides, you had fun making them, didn't you?)

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

10 Recurring Dreams I Have Had

1. One of my teeth (usually a molar) is loose, wiggling, and ready to break loose and fall out. Sometimes it does, and all this rocky, pebbly, crumbly white shit keeps coming and coming out of my mouth.

2. I'm leaving on a trip to somewhere fabulous (usually London or NYC) and I need to finish packing and get to the airport. I keep finding more and more things that I need to pack, and I'm going to miss my flight.

3. My parents have decided to move us all back into the house in Nebraska where we grew up. I'm wondering how to explain this to my job and/or boyfriend.

3a. I am moving OUT of the house where we grew up. I need to pack all of my things so we can leave, but I keep finding more and more. And then I can't decide what I'm going to take, what I'm going to leave behind, and what I'm going to throw away.

4. I'm taking a studio art class in college again. I forgot that our projects are due today, and I don't have a single thing to show to the class. I'm wondering if I should just skip class. (This is not far from what was my reality in college.)

5. I'm doing my senior year of high school over again in Nebraska, because graduating only counts if you attend the same high school all four years. I have no idea what my class schedule is, or where any of my classes are. I'm vaguely wondering in the back of my head why they're even bothering, since I already have a college degree.

6. Same as #5, except in middle school. Sometimes I just leave through the front door of the school building while school is in session, and run or fly up the steep hills of the neighborhood surrounding Elkhorn Middle School before anyone can catch me. (I fly in my dreams a lot.)

7. My entire family hates me, and is withholding crucial information from me. I have no idea what I did to make them angry, and any attempts to inquire or make amends result in me coming off as whiny and pathetic, making them hate me even more.

8. I'm taking care of a baby or kitten or puppy, and it keeps getting smaller and smaller until it can fit in the palm of my hand. Then it dies or becomes comatose.

9. I'm breaking in and sneaking through a stranger's house while they're home. I don't want to steal anything or creep on them - I just want to look at all their things and see how they live.

10. I'm driving a car down the freeway, but at the same time I'm taking a nap in the backseat. Every now and then I check to make sure the car is staying on course. It seems okay, but I feel like I should do something before I get arrested or get in an accident.

10a. I'm driving down a freeway, and there is a part of the drive that is very difficult. The road follows a very high hill and becomes lethally steep, like a roller coaster. If you're driving up, you start falling backwards in your car; if you're driving down, you have to pay very tight attention or your car will career out of control.

10b. I'm going down a busy freeway at a high speed, but instead of driving I'm running or riding a bike alongside the other cars. I have a lot of driving dreams.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Your Daily Chunkspiration

1. I overheard a coworker saying that she can't drink too much because she only weighs 108 pounds, and therefore gets drunk too easily.

2. My first thought was, "She weighs at least 20 pounds less than me, and she's my height. I have a hard time feeling bad for her, and an easier time feeling bad for myself."

3. Then I thought, "But wait a minute - if she's my height and frame, but weighs at least 20 pounds less than me, then I could probably take her down in a fight. Easily."

4. "I want to fight her and take her down."

5. "Also, my higher density of body composition means I could also outdrink her."

6. "I want to get her drunk and then fight her."

7. It made me think of those obnoxious "thinspiration" boards on Pinterest - you know, the ones that show you pictures of skinny girls with sayings superimposed over them, sayings like:

- Would you rather have a doughnut, or flat abs?
- Would you rather have cake, or a gap between your thighs?
- Would you rather have BBQ ribs, or exposed ribs?

7a. I agree with the boards that show a girl in sweatpants shoving thirty Ho-Hos into her mouth while giving two middle fingers.

8. I also hate those condescending fitness magazines that have headlines like, "Kate Beckinsale has this rockin' body, and she hates working out!" (Implied tagline: "What's your excuse, you fat sack of shit?")

9. Would you rather let magazines and Pinterest bully you into thinking you're a fat sack of shit, or eat cake because cake is delicious?

10. Would you rather invest a lot of time into looking better than everyone else, or spend that time actually doing something?

11. Would you rather be the skinniest girl in the room, or the most badass?

12. (I know they don't have to be mutually exclusive. Just imagine that you have to pick only one.)

13. These are my thoughts. Please feel free to share your own.

14. Cake is delicious.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Oh, I made myself sad.

So as you may have deduced, I've been looking at apartment listings online, which makes me depressed because I can't afford any of them. So then I made the mistake of looking at some online job boards, which is always depressing, because it sends me into a spiral of "I'm-not-qualified-enough-for-any-of-these-what-have-I-been-doing-for-the-past-3-years-my-life-is-going-nowhere" kinds of thoughts.
So in the meantime, I guess I'll keep working on my art projects, and hopefully something someday will stick, and I'll be able to afford a cute downtown industrial loft that I can have all to myself and my three future cats: Kevin, Spartacus, and Captain Slappy.
Like my folks say... just keep chipping away.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Wacky Shenanigans and Youthful Hijinks

Just kidding. I haven't posted much lately, let alone pictures of stuff I created. We all (or most of us, I guess) go through these cycles of feeling really creative and then feeling not creative at all. I was on a non-creative loop for a while, and I decided to just ride it out and not freak out about it like I would have before I started the meds. Because of course, nothing makes you feel more confident about the quality of your work than forcing yourself to do it when you really aren't feeling it.
Now I'm swinging back over to the uber-creative arc of the cycle. Earlier tonight I created some delicious lemon bars. Now I am apparently hell-bent on creating an empty pan of lemon bar crumbs. That's the nice thing about home-baked goods - my breakfast, lunch, and dinner menu for the next two days is already set! If you haven't noticed, this is not a blog about healthy living. That's Emily's job.
In other news, I ordered some new paints and I really, really want them to get here. When I get them I shall squee.

Monday, April 1, 2013

The Day Begins (at 9pm)

It's a new month, and I feel like I should be blogging more. This isn't to say that each post need be earth-shattering, but I can put something up. So today, here's a bullet list of things that are on my mind.

- I wish the Enter key wasn't right next to the ' key. It's annoying when I'm chatting with someone and it looks like I suddenly stopped mid sentence right after I'.
- Every time I order broccoli beef, I eat all of the beef and only some of the broccoli.
- When I decided earlier today to "diet and work out," apparently I thought the terms were interchangeable with "nap and mini Snickers."
- My roommate wanted to make sure I got the mail she slipped under the door, because four days later it's still lying on my bedroom floor. The truth is, I saw it and all of it looked like it was from various companies to whom I owe money. So I didn't bother. Responsible adult fail.
- If you pet a cat, you will become his Best Friend Forever. To a cat, Best Friends Forever means something different than a human. If I had a human Best Friend Forever, I would be very concerned if he followed me around while yelling at me nonstop, lay on the bathroom floor while watching me shower, and butted his head into my arm to get my attention.
- There are two people in the entire world who will eat the black jellybeans, and both of them are my roommates. Did I luck out, or what?

Sunday, March 24, 2013

20 Things I Remember From When I Was A Kid

1. I had about 500 stuffed animals, with names and backstories for each one.
2. The original 3 American Girls: Kirsten, Samantha, and Molly.
3. Lisa Frank was the shit. I had a notebook with a picture of a giant glass heart levitating over a checkered floor. It was the most beautiful piece of artwork I had ever seen.
4. I didn't get in trouble a lot, but when I did it was usually for not cleaning my room. If I got in trouble at school, it was probably for something like reading under my desk.
5. Calvin and Hobbes helped me win a geography bee.
6. The elementary school I went to had green carpeting, and none of the classrooms had doors. They had those weird cork walls on metal tracks that you could move to change the rooms.
7. I hated wearing jeans or pants. Only dresses or skirts, preferably pink. Culottes were also acceptable.
8. When my dad came home from business trips, he would bring us the little bottles of shampoo from the hotel.
9. One time at a K-mart, Emily and Pete and I managed to knock over an entire clothing rack.
10. When you talked back to Mom, she had a way of saying "Excuse me?" that would make the hair on the back of your neck stand up.
11. Peanut butter and honey sandwiches.
12. Putting the cat in a pillowcase and dragging him down the stairs.
13. Putting the cat on top of the dollhouse and watching him slide down the roof. There were big claw tracks in the paint forevermore.
14. Walking home from school on The Path, and catching caterpillars.
15. When the music teacher was teaching us a new song, she would see me raise my hand and say, "Yes, I know you can play this on the piano."
16. Before we went sledding, we would put on our snowpants and go "sledding" down the stairs. The slick fabric made it really fun.
17. Out of all the Baby Sitters Club girls, I related to Mallory the most. All she wanted was to be left alone to read or write in her journal, and someone was always hassling her.
18. Taking karate classes along with the rest of the family, and hating them. The only good thing was that we often went out for pizza afterwards.
19. The sound of the trains in the distance at night when I was starting to fall asleep.
20. The time I convinced Pete to help me tear open a beanbag chair and spread the styrofoam pellets all over the living room. I didn't care that I got a massive spanking and sent to my room for the rest of the day. It was the most epic awesome mess I'd ever made, and I would've done it all over again.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Stuff I Bought on Valentine's Day Clearance

- Hershey's Kisses in a cool heart-shaped tin
- A set of two 13x9" cake pans (so I don't have to borrow my roommate's when I want to take a casserole to someone's house) in Romance Red
- A strawberry-scented candle in a jar
- A heart-shaped rose-and-tea-leaves scented candle, free-standing
- A plastic tumbler with a lid and straw, covered with pink and red hearts
- Two heart-shaped dishes that I thought were ramekins but upon closer inspection do not appear to be oven-safe
- A glossy pink and red heart-shaped serving plate
- A little rectangular tin that I may use for storing safety pins
- Surprisingly, no boxes of Whitman's or Russel Stover (I was tempted, but I prevailed)

Basically, I just love things that are pink and heart-shaped or -adorned, so every year around this time I clean up in the grocery store sale aisle.

Thoughts for today:
- I am feeling irrationally cranky; it must be close to Shark Week.
- Yesterday I tried to clean the goobers out of my 1-year-old nephew's eyes, but I couldn't do it without gagging. Sorry, Squishy, I'm just not that good of an aunt.
- Heeeeeey, sexy laaaaaady! (It's been stuck in my head all night.)




Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Ehhhh, I don't waaaaanna.

So I guess I lost steam towards the end of the 31-day challenge thing. Some of the themes were less than inspiring, to say the least. Others were so inspiring that I would have had to spend hours putting together a post that would have done them justice, and that was getting in the way of my laziness.

And now we're almost halfway through February, and I've yet to post something... not that I think my thoughts are so earth-shattering that I owe the Internet a constant stream of them, but I like to think that I give my readers *cough all 3 of them cough* a reason to keep coming back here.

Sooooo yeah. I'm not really working on any major projects right now. I draw or paint every day as long as my hand isn't cramping up, or as long as there isn't an important nap that needs to be taken. I've been getting a lot of very high-priority napping done, and that makes me feel very accomplished.

Thoughts for the day:
- When you usually wear your hair up, and choose to wear it down for one day, you get a lot of comments. Mostly along the lines of, "Wow, did you do something different with your hair?"
- Sometimes I miss green arrows because I'm making faces at myself in the rear view mirror. I knew I should have sprung for the tinted windows. (What? I get bored at red lights.)
- If I ever had to go gluten-free, I don't think I'd kill myself. I would be very very sad for a while, but hopefully I would be an adult and have a good attitude, and eventually adjust.


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Day 28 - Surprise

I tried to think of something cool to blog about for this day, I really did. But I've got nothing. Some of these themes just don't lend themselves to cool blog posts.
This is probably about the most anticlimactic surprise ever. "Surprise!.... Sorry!" The opposite of surprise, if you will.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Day 27 - Regret



For today's theme, I wanted to find that Calvin and Hobbes strip where Calvin states that he regrets not being born with opposable toes.

But I couldn't.

And I regret that.




Saturday, January 26, 2013

Day 26 - Winter/Summer

If the question is, "Which one is better?" then the correct answer is "Summer." Winter sucks. Fuck winter.
Winter sucks because it's cold. You're cold when you get out of bed in the morning, you're cold before you get in the shower, you're cold after you get out of the shower, you're cold walking out to your car and waiting for it to warm up, you're basically just cold all freaking day, every day, week after week. I HATE BEING COLD. Fuck cold.
And snow. MOTHER FUCKING SNOW. Snow clings to the hems of your pants so when you come inside, it melts and soaks up your pant legs so you spend the rest of the day with cold, damp fabric clinging to your calves. AGAIN WITH THE COLD, FUCK COLD. Snow sucks because you have to shovel it off your car before you can get in. It sucks because your car tires can slip and skid on the freeway or at intersections. I fucking hate snow. Sledding, skiing, blah blah blah. I hate being outside anyway. The only thing worse than being somewhere I hate, is being somewhere I hate in something that I hate.
Oh, but snow is so pretty when it first falls! Yeah, snow is fucking pretty. THE FIRST TIME. The second, third, forth, and sixty-seventh times it falls, it's just fucking irritating. And it sure as hell doesn't stay pretty. It turns gray and crusty and gross and full of rocks. Fuck snow. What a bullshit form of precipitation.
Summer - sunshine, daisies, beaches, whatever whatever whatever. The best thing about summer is that it's not fucking winter. You don't have to put on fifty goddamn layers of clothes every time you go out. Because that's yet another thing that sucks about winter - putting on your hat and coat and scarf and gloves and snow pants and boots just so you don't FREEZE TO GODDAMN DEATH. And then taking them all off when you come home, and they're all drippy and wet and they smell kind of weird.
FUCK WINTER. BULLSHIT SEASON.


Friday, January 25, 2013

Day 25 - ... Excuse me?

According to the 31 Day Blog Challenge Chart, the topic for today is "el. oh. vee. ee."
I find this obnoxious and cloying.
Instead, here's a picture from my sketchbook of something that makes no sense whatsoever.





Day 24 - Teachers

Here are my favorite teachers, in no particular order.

- Mr. Rosenthal, 6th grade. He was a funny, awesome science teacher who could put Bill Nye to shame. I had a massive crush on him.
- Mrs. Averett, 1st grade - the first teacher who suggested that I should keep writing.
- Mrs. Pfeil, 4th grade - she was a sweet old lady, but didn't hesitate to open up a can of whoopass when she caught me reading under my desk. She was hard on me because she believed in me.
- Ms. McCoy, 11th grade honors English - that unique combination of making boring literature interesting and engaging, while at the same time cutting you a new asshole for not finishing your essay on time.
Ms. Richart, 8th grade history - really stuck up for me during a troubled year. She was funny and weird and cared about her students.

And here are my least favorites:

- Mrs. Simerly, 5th grade - decided that because I spaced off in class a lot, I was a little bit stupid.
- Ms. Neighbors, 9th grade geometry - scary as all hell. Was not above public humiliation as a disciplinary tactic.
- Mrs. Dutton, elementary school gifted program - didn't believe me when I told her that the copper wires on the battery got really hot and burned me. Also, she was just kind of a bitch overall.
- Ms. Bang, 9th grade biology - believed that all 14-year-olds are snotty little punks and should all be treated as such. (To be fair, many are.) Acted condescending towards me because I didn't understand that I needed a pass to get back into class after coming back from the dentist.
- Mrs. Muchlinski, 12th grade art - told me that I should keep art as a hobby, and pick something else for a career.


Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Day 23 - Desserts

In the spirit of today's theme, I got a Slice of Cake from the bakery while I was at Safeway getting cold medicine and batteries.
I then had it for dinner. With a Diet Coke.
I do it for you, Internet. You're welcome.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Day 22 - Kids



This is my mom with the 3 of us. I think this was our house in Camarillo, so it would have been about 1987. Emily and Pete are on Mom's lap, and I'm sitting on the ground.
God, I was a little chunk.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Day 20 - Beautiful

You know what is beautiful to me? The poetry of Lord Byron.


Saturday, January 19, 2013

Day 19 - Superpowers

Sometimes I dream that I can make things happen by thinking really hard about them. Like, I really want that wall to fall down on the scary guy who's chasing me. So I think about it, and the wall falls down on him.
I think this would be a cool superpower to have in real life.

Day 18 - Advice


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Day 16 - I would do anything for love... but I won't do that.

Michael Bay directs an awesome music video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GNhdQRbXhc

(Sorry, I don't know how to embed.)

Day 15 - Transportation

Before I had Steve the Pirate, I was the proud driver of a '92 Toyota Corolla named Rita.



She was homely. She had no air conditioning. One of her tail lights was made of duct tape and a red gel swiped from the lighting booth in Jenkins Theater at UWSP. Her driver side door didn't lock, and her passenger side door didn't open. She had no hubcaps on her rear wheels, and her exhaust pipe was patched together with wire and aluminum foil.

I loved her.

I loved her because she was trustworthy and reliable. In spite of her flaws, she always got me where I needed to go. She got me to my first professional theater gig in River Falls the first summer I had her in 2004. She brought me back and forth between Hudson, Eau Claire, and Stevens Point countless times, skidding half-circles in the snow with her bald tires. And she braved the ravages of I-494 for six months while I was commuting to Eden Prairie for my first job out of college.

The best thing about Rita was how easy it was to get out of giving rides to people.
"Hey, Amanda, can I bum a ride in your car?"
"Yeah, you bet. Just to let you know, the passenger door doesn't work, so you'll have to climb through the window. And also, the exhaust pipe is broken so we need to keep a window cracked so we don't get carbon monoxide poisoning. But sure, I'd be happy to take you wherever you need to go."
"You know what, that's all right. I'll find another way."
"Suit yourself."

One afternoon, while merging into 70mph bumper-to-bumper traffic on 35W, she began making an ominous scraping sound beneath my left foot. I took her in and learned that to fix whatever the hell was wrong with her would have cost at least three times what she was worth.

It was time to let her go.

When I went to trade her in, they offered me $100 - pretty much the value of whatever scrap metal she possessed that wasn't covered with rust. Before I bid her bon voyage to the great parking lot in the sky, I made sure to send her out in style.



Rest in peace, Rita.


Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Day 14 - Food

The path to healthier living is not always an easy one.





I'll get caught up tomorrow.


Sunday, January 13, 2013

Day 13 - Top Ten

Top Ten what? They didn't specify.
Um, okay. Here are my top ten Favorite Things Ever.

Amanda's Top Ten Favorite Things Ever (in no particular order)
1. Tearing along perforated edges
2. Popping bubble wrap
3. Vegan donuts from Whole Foods
4. Watching strangers argue in public
5. Staying in hotels
6. Things that go "ding"
7. Dive bars
8. Peeling dried latex paint out of a bucket
9. Beer
10. After pulling out of a parking spot and seeing that another car was waiting for it, saying, "Oh, you want that? You want it? Well, I'm gonna give it to you, and you're gonna take it, because you want it so bad. Take it! Take it all, bitch!"

There you have it, Internet. You're welcome.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Day 12 - Recovery


I don't really have much to say on this subject. I've never really recovered from anything.

Here's a unicorn.




Friday, January 11, 2013

Day 11 - Confession(s)



I confess...

that I've never seen Return of the Jedi, or The Empire Strikes Back.

There, I said it. I'm a bad nerd.




(I didn't see the prequels either, but I heard they don't count.)



Thursday, January 10, 2013

Day 10 - Memory

One time when I was about 8, I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn't fall back asleep. I don't remember why - if the room was too warm, or I had too much sugar, or my mind was wracked with whatever childhood anxiety was gripping me at the time - but for hours I flopped and twisted in bed, filled with the lonesome boredom of insomnia.
After a while, a light appeared under the crack in my door, and I knew my dad was getting ready for his early shift at the plant. I knew he would be coming in to check on me before he left, so I sat up in bed to get ready for him.
Dad creaked open the door, saw me sitting up, and just stood there. So I waved at him.
He came in and said that he was confused as to why I was sitting up in bed. I told him I couldn't sleep, and he understood.
Then he pointed my attention to the window, where the sky was just beginning to lighten over the Clemans' house. He told me to listen to the birds. They were chirping like crazy.
"The birds always start chirping before the sun comes up," he said. "So when you hear them going nuts like this, that means morning is coming soon."
Then he left to finish getting ready for work, and I lay back down in bed. My eyes grew heavy, and I drifted off as the sun began to rise.
Now, more than 20 years later, I still occasionally wake up just before the crack of dawn with nothing to do but watch the minutes crawl by on the clock. When that happens, I listen for the birds and try to hear them chirping.
It helps.






Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Day 9 - Made With Love


Perfect! I love to buy art supplies, and I make things with them!

I made this with gel pens and colored pencil on black paper.

Art supplies: as addictive as crack, and almost as expensive.


With love,
Amanda



Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Day 8 - Honesty


I admit...

- Sometimes I pee in the shower. Not like a full-on pee - I don't go into the shower intending to pee, I always try to get it over with before - but sometimes I get under the warm water and a little leaks out. I try to aim for the drain as much as I can.

- On days when we have the heat turned off to save on energy, I turn on my space heater and huddle right in front of it. Not very energy-efficient.

- Before Hostess went under, I used to have a pack of Zingers for breakfast. Paired with a Diet Coke.

- I just drink a lot of Diet Coke in general. One time I thought about cutting back on soda, and I thought - and this is honestly what came into my mind - "But then what will I drink?"

- I totally don't give a flying crap about germs. If I drop food on the floor, I'll pick it up and eat it. I don't wash my hands after touching garbage; at most, I might brush them off on my jeans. If there's an unwashed glass that I drank out of yesterday, I'll drink out of it again without washing it. And you know what? I'm very rarely sick.

- I often think that smoking would be really cool, fun, and relaxing, and the only reason I don't start is because I don't want my health insurance premium to go up.

- There are certain groups of people who, in my mind, don't really count as people. Customers, drivers in other cars, and overzealous sports fans come to mind.

Thanks for listening, Internet. You probably think I'm disgusting now.


Monday, January 7, 2013

Day 7 - Shoes



Take a look at these bad girls.

Photoshopped to hide the shaky hand movement.

I had my first pole dance fitness class tonight, courtesy of iCandy Studio in Rohnert Park. It was fun, except for the part where we had to hula hoop. I am apparently lacking the gene that enables you to keep a hula hoop on your hips. I did not feel very sexy with a hoop clattering to the ground every three twirls, or my ass sticking out into the air while I bent down to pick it up twenty-odd times. I kind of want my money back for that portion of the class.
The rest was fun. I got some serious pole burn on my arm, too.



Also, I got my eyebrows waxed. I wish they could look this good all the time.
And smolder





Sunday, January 6, 2013

Day 6 - Embarrassment

Basically, everything embarrasses me.

- I'm embarrassed when I finish telling a story, and the person I'm telling to says, "Yeah, you told me that already." And often, "... three times."

- I'm embarrassed when I show up at the wrong house for a party. (I did this for the first time last month. It was mortifying.)

- I'm embarrassed when I misinterpret someone's question so badly that I end up revealing something extremely personal about myself, when they were asking something completely innocuous.

- I'm embarrassed when I'm talking to myself and I accidentally make eye contact with someone, and it looks like I'm chanting incantations at them.

- I'm embarrassed when I'm listening to Hedwig and the Angry Inch and someone who's unfamiliar with the show walks in on the line, "Where my penis used to be, where my vagina never was..."

- I'm embarrassed to reveal that the first cassette tape I ever owned was Michael Bolton's Soul Provider.

- I'm embarrassed that I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was almost 11.

- And after 17 years, I still get embarrassed when I think about The Valentine Incident.



I'm getting embarrassed just thinking about all these embarrassing things. I'm going to go drink myself to death now.


Saturday, January 5, 2013

Day 5 -Biggest Fear



My biggest fear? Go ahead, laugh.




Caterpillars.
I HATE THESE FUCKING THINGS.

I couldn't even look at these pictures while I was downloading them without getting a little nauseous. I can look at them now as long as it's out of the corner of my eye. And immediately after I post this, I'm going to delete them.



Friday, January 4, 2013

Day 4 - Pet Peeve


Today?




EVERYTHING.



(Estrogen is one hell of a hormone.)





Thursday, January 3, 2013

Day 3 - Bucket List

1. Write and illustrate a(nother) children's book (no matter how many, this will always be on my bucket list)
2. Write and illustrate a graphic novel
3. Be a positive influence in the lives of troubled kids
4. Have my own Wikipedia page
5. Be in a band (other than the marching band - that one's already been crossed off)
6. Go to Burning Man
7. Go skydiving
8. Be a stand-up comedian
9. Write a full-length play and have it produced (I'd also accept a series of one-acts)
10. Listen to a cover of "Baby Got Back" sung by Sean Connery

Day 2 - Two



You and me against the world.





Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Day 1 - New

I'm trying a new 31-day blog challenge, because I always want to blog - really! - but I can never think of anything I want to blog about.
As mentioned in my most recent post from weeks and weeks ago, I've been taking old crappy drawings from years ago, and reworking them to try and make them better. It originally began as an exercise to use up my cheap gel pens, but turned into an exercise in self-encouragement. It feels really good to draw over an old drawing with my new drawing skills, and see how far I've come in the past couple of years.
Hence, in the theme of Day 1 of the 31-Day Blog Challenge, I found this old drawing of a baby and a scary hand that I did about 3 years ago. I don't remember why I originally did it, so it was that much easier to re-purpose.
I'm trying to use up the pink gel pen. Turns out, pink is pretty hard to use up.


Oh yeah, the theme for Day 1 is "New." Here's the rest of them if you're interested.