You may have noticed that instead of the check I have usually enclosed for the last nine years, my tax return this year contains a styrofoam cooler. This cooler contains one of my kidneys. As you have taken absolutely everything else I have, I literally have nothing left to give you except my own flesh and blood.
Given that it is young, healthy, and relatively alcohol-free, I value this kidney at approximately $20,000. I trust this will settle my debt for the next couple of years.
Yours most sincerely,
P.S. Should this kidney dissatisfy you in any way, I will send along one of my ovaries. As it is full of viable eggs that can one day grow up into future taxpayers, I am assured that it will be of interest to you. -A.B.