Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Day 28 - Surprise

I tried to think of something cool to blog about for this day, I really did. But I've got nothing. Some of these themes just don't lend themselves to cool blog posts.
This is probably about the most anticlimactic surprise ever. "Surprise!.... Sorry!" The opposite of surprise, if you will.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Day 27 - Regret

For today's theme, I wanted to find that Calvin and Hobbes strip where Calvin states that he regrets not being born with opposable toes.

But I couldn't.

And I regret that.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Day 26 - Winter/Summer

If the question is, "Which one is better?" then the correct answer is "Summer." Winter sucks. Fuck winter.
Winter sucks because it's cold. You're cold when you get out of bed in the morning, you're cold before you get in the shower, you're cold after you get out of the shower, you're cold walking out to your car and waiting for it to warm up, you're basically just cold all freaking day, every day, week after week. I HATE BEING COLD. Fuck cold.
And snow. MOTHER FUCKING SNOW. Snow clings to the hems of your pants so when you come inside, it melts and soaks up your pant legs so you spend the rest of the day with cold, damp fabric clinging to your calves. AGAIN WITH THE COLD, FUCK COLD. Snow sucks because you have to shovel it off your car before you can get in. It sucks because your car tires can slip and skid on the freeway or at intersections. I fucking hate snow. Sledding, skiing, blah blah blah. I hate being outside anyway. The only thing worse than being somewhere I hate, is being somewhere I hate in something that I hate.
Oh, but snow is so pretty when it first falls! Yeah, snow is fucking pretty. THE FIRST TIME. The second, third, forth, and sixty-seventh times it falls, it's just fucking irritating. And it sure as hell doesn't stay pretty. It turns gray and crusty and gross and full of rocks. Fuck snow. What a bullshit form of precipitation.
Summer - sunshine, daisies, beaches, whatever whatever whatever. The best thing about summer is that it's not fucking winter. You don't have to put on fifty goddamn layers of clothes every time you go out. Because that's yet another thing that sucks about winter - putting on your hat and coat and scarf and gloves and snow pants and boots just so you don't FREEZE TO GODDAMN DEATH. And then taking them all off when you come home, and they're all drippy and wet and they smell kind of weird.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Day 25 - ... Excuse me?

According to the 31 Day Blog Challenge Chart, the topic for today is "el. oh. vee. ee."
I find this obnoxious and cloying.
Instead, here's a picture from my sketchbook of something that makes no sense whatsoever.

Day 24 - Teachers

Here are my favorite teachers, in no particular order.

- Mr. Rosenthal, 6th grade. He was a funny, awesome science teacher who could put Bill Nye to shame. I had a massive crush on him.
- Mrs. Averett, 1st grade - the first teacher who suggested that I should keep writing.
- Mrs. Pfeil, 4th grade - she was a sweet old lady, but didn't hesitate to open up a can of whoopass when she caught me reading under my desk. She was hard on me because she believed in me.
- Ms. McCoy, 11th grade honors English - that unique combination of making boring literature interesting and engaging, while at the same time cutting you a new asshole for not finishing your essay on time.
Ms. Richart, 8th grade history - really stuck up for me during a troubled year. She was funny and weird and cared about her students.

And here are my least favorites:

- Mrs. Simerly, 5th grade - decided that because I spaced off in class a lot, I was a little bit stupid.
- Ms. Neighbors, 9th grade geometry - scary as all hell. Was not above public humiliation as a disciplinary tactic.
- Mrs. Dutton, elementary school gifted program - didn't believe me when I told her that the copper wires on the battery got really hot and burned me. Also, she was just kind of a bitch overall.
- Ms. Bang, 9th grade biology - believed that all 14-year-olds are snotty little punks and should all be treated as such. (To be fair, many are.) Acted condescending towards me because I didn't understand that I needed a pass to get back into class after coming back from the dentist.
- Mrs. Muchlinski, 12th grade art - told me that I should keep art as a hobby, and pick something else for a career.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Day 23 - Desserts

In the spirit of today's theme, I got a Slice of Cake from the bakery while I was at Safeway getting cold medicine and batteries.
I then had it for dinner. With a Diet Coke.
I do it for you, Internet. You're welcome.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Day 22 - Kids

This is my mom with the 3 of us. I think this was our house in Camarillo, so it would have been about 1987. Emily and Pete are on Mom's lap, and I'm sitting on the ground.
God, I was a little chunk.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Day 20 - Beautiful

You know what is beautiful to me? The poetry of Lord Byron.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Day 19 - Superpowers

Sometimes I dream that I can make things happen by thinking really hard about them. Like, I really want that wall to fall down on the scary guy who's chasing me. So I think about it, and the wall falls down on him.
I think this would be a cool superpower to have in real life.

Day 18 - Advice

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Day 16 - I would do anything for love... but I won't do that.

Michael Bay directs an awesome music video.


(Sorry, I don't know how to embed.)

Day 15 - Transportation

Before I had Steve the Pirate, I was the proud driver of a '92 Toyota Corolla named Rita.

She was homely. She had no air conditioning. One of her tail lights was made of duct tape and a red gel swiped from the lighting booth in Jenkins Theater at UWSP. Her driver side door didn't lock, and her passenger side door didn't open. She had no hubcaps on her rear wheels, and her exhaust pipe was patched together with wire and aluminum foil.

I loved her.

I loved her because she was trustworthy and reliable. In spite of her flaws, she always got me where I needed to go. She got me to my first professional theater gig in River Falls the first summer I had her in 2004. She brought me back and forth between Hudson, Eau Claire, and Stevens Point countless times, skidding half-circles in the snow with her bald tires. And she braved the ravages of I-494 for six months while I was commuting to Eden Prairie for my first job out of college.

The best thing about Rita was how easy it was to get out of giving rides to people.
"Hey, Amanda, can I bum a ride in your car?"
"Yeah, you bet. Just to let you know, the passenger door doesn't work, so you'll have to climb through the window. And also, the exhaust pipe is broken so we need to keep a window cracked so we don't get carbon monoxide poisoning. But sure, I'd be happy to take you wherever you need to go."
"You know what, that's all right. I'll find another way."
"Suit yourself."

One afternoon, while merging into 70mph bumper-to-bumper traffic on 35W, she began making an ominous scraping sound beneath my left foot. I took her in and learned that to fix whatever the hell was wrong with her would have cost at least three times what she was worth.

It was time to let her go.

When I went to trade her in, they offered me $100 - pretty much the value of whatever scrap metal she possessed that wasn't covered with rust. Before I bid her bon voyage to the great parking lot in the sky, I made sure to send her out in style.

Rest in peace, Rita.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Day 14 - Food

The path to healthier living is not always an easy one.

I'll get caught up tomorrow.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Day 13 - Top Ten

Top Ten what? They didn't specify.
Um, okay. Here are my top ten Favorite Things Ever.

Amanda's Top Ten Favorite Things Ever (in no particular order)
1. Tearing along perforated edges
2. Popping bubble wrap
3. Vegan donuts from Whole Foods
4. Watching strangers argue in public
5. Staying in hotels
6. Things that go "ding"
7. Dive bars
8. Peeling dried latex paint out of a bucket
9. Beer
10. After pulling out of a parking spot and seeing that another car was waiting for it, saying, "Oh, you want that? You want it? Well, I'm gonna give it to you, and you're gonna take it, because you want it so bad. Take it! Take it all, bitch!"

There you have it, Internet. You're welcome.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Day 12 - Recovery

I don't really have much to say on this subject. I've never really recovered from anything.

Here's a unicorn.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Day 11 - Confession(s)

I confess...

that I've never seen Return of the Jedi, or The Empire Strikes Back.

There, I said it. I'm a bad nerd.

(I didn't see the prequels either, but I heard they don't count.)

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Day 10 - Memory

One time when I was about 8, I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn't fall back asleep. I don't remember why - if the room was too warm, or I had too much sugar, or my mind was wracked with whatever childhood anxiety was gripping me at the time - but for hours I flopped and twisted in bed, filled with the lonesome boredom of insomnia.
After a while, a light appeared under the crack in my door, and I knew my dad was getting ready for his early shift at the plant. I knew he would be coming in to check on me before he left, so I sat up in bed to get ready for him.
Dad creaked open the door, saw me sitting up, and just stood there. So I waved at him.
He came in and said that he was confused as to why I was sitting up in bed. I told him I couldn't sleep, and he understood.
Then he pointed my attention to the window, where the sky was just beginning to lighten over the Clemans' house. He told me to listen to the birds. They were chirping like crazy.
"The birds always start chirping before the sun comes up," he said. "So when you hear them going nuts like this, that means morning is coming soon."
Then he left to finish getting ready for work, and I lay back down in bed. My eyes grew heavy, and I drifted off as the sun began to rise.
Now, more than 20 years later, I still occasionally wake up just before the crack of dawn with nothing to do but watch the minutes crawl by on the clock. When that happens, I listen for the birds and try to hear them chirping.
It helps.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Day 9 - Made With Love

Perfect! I love to buy art supplies, and I make things with them!

I made this with gel pens and colored pencil on black paper.

Art supplies: as addictive as crack, and almost as expensive.

With love,

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Day 8 - Honesty

I admit...

- Sometimes I pee in the shower. Not like a full-on pee - I don't go into the shower intending to pee, I always try to get it over with before - but sometimes I get under the warm water and a little leaks out. I try to aim for the drain as much as I can.

- On days when we have the heat turned off to save on energy, I turn on my space heater and huddle right in front of it. Not very energy-efficient.

- Before Hostess went under, I used to have a pack of Zingers for breakfast. Paired with a Diet Coke.

- I just drink a lot of Diet Coke in general. One time I thought about cutting back on soda, and I thought - and this is honestly what came into my mind - "But then what will I drink?"

- I totally don't give a flying crap about germs. If I drop food on the floor, I'll pick it up and eat it. I don't wash my hands after touching garbage; at most, I might brush them off on my jeans. If there's an unwashed glass that I drank out of yesterday, I'll drink out of it again without washing it. And you know what? I'm very rarely sick.

- I often think that smoking would be really cool, fun, and relaxing, and the only reason I don't start is because I don't want my health insurance premium to go up.

- There are certain groups of people who, in my mind, don't really count as people. Customers, drivers in other cars, and overzealous sports fans come to mind.

Thanks for listening, Internet. You probably think I'm disgusting now.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Day 7 - Shoes

Take a look at these bad girls.

Photoshopped to hide the shaky hand movement.

I had my first pole dance fitness class tonight, courtesy of iCandy Studio in Rohnert Park. It was fun, except for the part where we had to hula hoop. I am apparently lacking the gene that enables you to keep a hula hoop on your hips. I did not feel very sexy with a hoop clattering to the ground every three twirls, or my ass sticking out into the air while I bent down to pick it up twenty-odd times. I kind of want my money back for that portion of the class.
The rest was fun. I got some serious pole burn on my arm, too.

Also, I got my eyebrows waxed. I wish they could look this good all the time.
And smolder

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Day 6 - Embarrassment

Basically, everything embarrasses me.

- I'm embarrassed when I finish telling a story, and the person I'm telling to says, "Yeah, you told me that already." And often, "... three times."

- I'm embarrassed when I show up at the wrong house for a party. (I did this for the first time last month. It was mortifying.)

- I'm embarrassed when I misinterpret someone's question so badly that I end up revealing something extremely personal about myself, when they were asking something completely innocuous.

- I'm embarrassed when I'm talking to myself and I accidentally make eye contact with someone, and it looks like I'm chanting incantations at them.

- I'm embarrassed when I'm listening to Hedwig and the Angry Inch and someone who's unfamiliar with the show walks in on the line, "Where my penis used to be, where my vagina never was..."

- I'm embarrassed to reveal that the first cassette tape I ever owned was Michael Bolton's Soul Provider.

- I'm embarrassed that I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was almost 11.

- And after 17 years, I still get embarrassed when I think about The Valentine Incident.

I'm getting embarrassed just thinking about all these embarrassing things. I'm going to go drink myself to death now.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Day 5 -Biggest Fear

My biggest fear? Go ahead, laugh.


I couldn't even look at these pictures while I was downloading them without getting a little nauseous. I can look at them now as long as it's out of the corner of my eye. And immediately after I post this, I'm going to delete them.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Day 4 - Pet Peeve



(Estrogen is one hell of a hormone.)

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Day 3 - Bucket List

1. Write and illustrate a(nother) children's book (no matter how many, this will always be on my bucket list)
2. Write and illustrate a graphic novel
3. Be a positive influence in the lives of troubled kids
4. Have my own Wikipedia page
5. Be in a band (other than the marching band - that one's already been crossed off)
6. Go to Burning Man
7. Go skydiving
8. Be a stand-up comedian
9. Write a full-length play and have it produced (I'd also accept a series of one-acts)
10. Listen to a cover of "Baby Got Back" sung by Sean Connery

Day 2 - Two

You and me against the world.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Day 1 - New

I'm trying a new 31-day blog challenge, because I always want to blog - really! - but I can never think of anything I want to blog about.
As mentioned in my most recent post from weeks and weeks ago, I've been taking old crappy drawings from years ago, and reworking them to try and make them better. It originally began as an exercise to use up my cheap gel pens, but turned into an exercise in self-encouragement. It feels really good to draw over an old drawing with my new drawing skills, and see how far I've come in the past couple of years.
Hence, in the theme of Day 1 of the 31-Day Blog Challenge, I found this old drawing of a baby and a scary hand that I did about 3 years ago. I don't remember why I originally did it, so it was that much easier to re-purpose.
I'm trying to use up the pink gel pen. Turns out, pink is pretty hard to use up.

Oh yeah, the theme for Day 1 is "New." Here's the rest of them if you're interested.